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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27409201">silhouette</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dryadfiona/pseuds/dryadfiona'>dryadfiona</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Lucifer (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Heaven &amp; Hell, Immortality, Mortality, POV Alternating</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:08:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,322</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27409201</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dryadfiona/pseuds/dryadfiona</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucifer's in Hell, except when he's not. Chloe's on Earth and doing fine, except when she's not. Maze thinks about souls. Hell is lonely. Lilith waits.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. hell isn't other people</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Takes place immediately post-season 4.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hell is a lonely place.</p><p>It's that way by design, of course. Demons aren't meant to care about each other, to care about their King as anyone other than the person who sits the throne. Maze had been like that, once--</p><p>But Lucifer doesn't want to think about Maze right now. Or anyone else on Earth.</p><p>Ash rains down on his suit even where he sits the throne. Demons scutter about like beasts, all claws and teeth and ingratiating apologies. He doesn't listen to them. They don't expect him to. It's all part of the system that molded them into no more than animals and him into--</p><p>Well. Their King.</p><p>He takes a long time to settle, to let the nervousness of the infernal masses reach a breaking point. A long time for him. On Earth, how much time has passed? A minute? If that? Chloe could still be in his penthouse. It would be so easy to fly up, leave her with more than a kiss that he meant to be their last.</p><p>But this is his duty. They must have a King.</p><p>Lucifer stands up, and for just a moment, the demons all go completely silent. Then the apologies start up, the begging, the wordless wails that build up into what used to pass for melody. </p><p>"Bring them to me," he says, quiet, dangerous. They don't need to ask him what <em>they </em>means.</p><p>The instigators are dragged to him quickly enough that he's almost impressed. He doesn't let that on, though, keeps his face as still and impassive as the stone around him, only moving to brush some of the ash off his brow.</p><p>The hordes are silent as they watch. The howls of pain are nothing new to demons, watching their kin with a strange mix of terror and anticipation. Some of them are drooling. Some are crying, though no tears escape their eyes, white and rotted.</p><p>When Lucifer is done, he is coated in ash. He considers letting his wings out to shelter him as he brushes it off his suit, but--</p><p>For now, they are all he has left of himself that is untouched by Hell. It won't stay that way, but he'd like to pretend, if only for a moment.</p><p>Besides, if he brings his wings out, he's going to go check on Earth, and he's not sure he has the strength to return.</p><p>"Leave them here," he says. He can feel the assent from the demons like a breeze against his face. "Leave."</p><p>They do, and he is alone.</p><hr/><p>Over the next centuries, he spends much of his time alone. He tells the demons to give him news of Chloe, of Trixie, of Ella, of Linda, of Dan, even. He hears that one of Linda's patients passes, quietly and painlessly in his sleep, guilty over the girlfriend he abandoned more than thirty years prior, and Lucifer hears the man tell him that Linda and Amenadiel are still living together, that Charlie apparently smiles at silly faces, that Trixie babysits him. Behind his door, his girlfriend's eyes watch him every joy he has, and he hears all about what she has suffered. Some of it is almost true.</p><p>He hears that Dan visits Charlotte's grave every day from someone in one of his improv classes, who choked on a meal while her sister was out of the house. She's guilty over a few misadventures in her youth, something Lucifer doesn't understand at all until she admits, finally, with his eyes locked on hers, that she misses the opportunities she'd given up, then, that she could have been Something, could have been More. Her door has the version of her who did that, bright and shining and adored, while she sits, alone in the corner, choking to death for years and years and years.</p><p>He hears that Chloe is investigating murders, still, that she shot a murderer who'd been running right at Maze (guilty over his alienation from his mother rather than the violence), that she'd taken to drinking quite a bit more (from a bartender who hadn't seen a car coming), that she spends so much of her time with Maze (from a bounty who hadn't made it through prison).</p><p>He thinks about that often. Chloe and Maze. Maze, his right hand, once, still sharp and dangerous, but softer, now, silk wrapped around the steel. He thinks about Maze softening in a way he hadn't seen when talking about Eve. He thinks about telling Maze he would never leave without her.</p><p>He stops thinking about Maze.</p><p>He wants to think about Chloe. Lucifer misses her like he used to miss his wings; he feels like a part of himself has been torn away, but he knows it's better this way, it's right, and focusing on it doesn't help anyone.</p><p>His wings are no longer untouched by Hell, of course. Flying over to see the new souls, intimidating the demons when they think he's spent too much time asking the souls about the people he'd left behind. They're gray and ashy. He spends what little time he has--funny, for an immortal--brushing the ash away. It's just vanity, but pride was always his sin.</p><p>He passes door after door, checking on loop after loop. An old Victorian room that melts like candlewax, a chase that never ends and never will, a rock pushed up a hill and falling again and again and again. (No reason to mess with the classics, after all.)</p><p>He visits Reese, once, just to see. He features prominently in this loop, the demon who wears his face proud and self-important until he shows up. Then they all fall back. Reese is pointing a gun at him, demanding to know about Hell.</p><p>"You should know," Lucifer says, unsure if he always used to sound this disinterested. "You're there."</p><p>Reese doesn't believe him, shoots--the gun jams. A nice touch. "No! You did this."</p><p>"Did I?" he says. "Then leave."</p><p>"I will," Reese says, uncertain, and storms into the elevator, only for the doors to open a minute later.</p><p>"If you try that again, I'm fairly certain it'll flood with blood," he advises. "The demons <em>love </em>The Shining."</p><p>Reese cries then, implores him for help, says it wasn't his fault.</p><p>"If you believed that, you wouldn't be here," he says. "Besides. I have other loops to attend to."</p><p>Reese grabs at him as he leaves, and the demons drag him back, the one wearing his face grinning in a way he doesn't think he ever would. Their eyes flash red. He looks away.</p><p>There are no mirrors in Hell. Some philosopher had guessed that, Earth-centuries ago, wrote a whole play about it. Of course, he was wrong about so many other things. Hell isn't other people. Hell is yourself, twisted and fractured into something you don't recognize.</p><p>He knows, somehow, that if he were to look at himself, it wouldn't be a face he recognizes looking back, even if his hands aren't red when they look down. </p><p>A demon runs up to him, head bowed in submission. </p><p>"Speak," he says.</p><p>"News," the demon says.</p><p>"Of who?"</p><p>"The Detective," the demon says. </p><p>He's noticed wonder there when they talk about her. He's forbidden them from saying her name; they are the reason he's been separated from her. Still, they say Detective like they used to say my Lord, my Liege, my King. There's something there if he thinks about it, that they are scared of her because of him, because of what she represents, but--</p><p>He doesn't like thinking about her outside of hearing about her. That way lies foolishness.</p><p>"Speak," he says again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. some sort of beauty and the beast</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chloe's doing fine. Obviously she's doing fine.</p><p>Dan asks her about it once, and she doesn't even snap at him. Ella talks about Lucifer until Maze's thirteenth glare finally sticks, and even then, she sidesteps around the issue so obviously she may as well still be asking about. </p><p>"Fuck," Chloe says when Maze manages to land a hit.</p><p>They're fighting. Not really fighting, of course--Maze would probably have her pinned by now if they were taking this seriously, maybe put a blade in her throat. Or maybe Chloe would have shot her; do demons in their own bodies drop faster than a possessed one? Maze would just be gone, then, really truly gone, not waiting somewhere she can't follow, shouldn't follow, shouldn't obsess over her own guilt--</p><p>"Decker," Maze says. "You good?"</p><p>"Fine, it's just my nose," Chloe says, trying to ignore the stream of blood into her mouth. She spits. "Do you have, like, a towel or something?"</p><p>Maze shakes her head and pulls her shirt off. Chloe doesn't look (even though part of her almost wants to, see if she has any scars), just takes the shirt and wipes her face off. It's black, real leather, doesn't actually soak up the blood at all, but at least she's technically tried. </p><p>"Fuck," Chloe says at the copper taste in her mouth. She spits out again.</p><p>Maze snorts. "Yeah. Done for today, I think. I don't want to get blood on these clothes."</p><p>It's a shitty lie. Maze had handed her the shirt, to start, and Chloe'd gotten used to blood on Maze's clothes after the first load of laundry in their new place. But calling her on it would mean Maze calling her on all of the things she's been doing to distract from--well, everything lately. </p><p>"Alright," Chloe says instead of screaming.</p><hr/><p>Chloe's life goes like this now:</p><p>She wakes up. She makes breakfast for Trixie. She goes to work and throws herself into it with a fervor, ignoring Ella's worried looks and Dan's concern and Amenadiel's gentle questions. She stays in the office until she has to pick up Trixie from school, and then she spends her evening doing whatever her daughter suggests.</p><p>They read books that Chloe think might be a little too scary but the shine of excitement in Trixie's eyes never drops, so they keep going. They work on Trixie's homework and Chloe tries not to think about who could have helped with the science homework so much better than she could. They watch movies.</p><p>It's a move night (well, evening) tonight, with Trixie grabbing something seemingly at random from their collection of Disney movies. Chloe allows herself to think about her cases--plural, and she's not going to sleep tonight, she's got so much to work on--rather than pay attention, just focusing on the film when a particularly loud or confusing noise startles her out of her reverie.</p><p>Oh. <em>Beauty and the Beast</em>.</p><p>Chloe remembers hating this movie, as a kid, but as an adult, it's not too bad. Sure, it's not an <em>ideal </em>relationship, and she worries a little about her daughter internalizing a message from this that she shoudn't, but Belle and the Beast clearly build their relationship over time and with a strong foundation of respect. So the movie's good, or at least fine, and she can't tell why there's such a sick feeling in her stomach, acid in her throat.</p><p>The music at the end of the movie swells, and Trixie sits back against the couch.</p><p>"What's wrong?" she asks.</p><p>"Nothing, monkey," Chloe says. "Why?"</p><p>"You're quiet," Trixie says.</p><p><em>You're observant</em>, Chloe thinks. "Everything's okay, Trixie, I'm just a little tired."</p><p>"Okay," Trixie says, and is about to say more when she interrupts herself with a huge yawn.</p><p>"Bedtime, I think," Chloe says with a little involuntary smile. "C'mon."</p><p>She tucks Trixie into bed even though her daughter grumbles something about it not being necessary, and Chloe wishes her daughter could stay a kid forever. But no, she doesn't want that, not really--she wants to see her daughter grow up and thrive.</p><p>And then's there's Chloe's nights, where she desperately tries not to fall asleep despite the exhaustion weighing her down. </p><p>She looks at case files of horrible, horrible deaths--the witness for one case that'd taken months to solve found with her limbs all bent and broken. She grabs one of Maze's bottles of vodka and drinks until the burn of it genuinely hurts. She exercises until her muscles all ache and she's tired enough that she crashes without dreaming.</p><p>Whenever she doesn't manage true dreamlessness, she wakes up gripping her sheets tight enough to tear.</p><p>They're not nightmares. She wishes they <em>were</em>. She wishes she saw Lucifer leaving again and again, much as that would hurt, wishes she dreamt of an army of demons pulling her away to tear her to shreds, wishes she dreamt of the faces of all the cases she couldn't solve.</p><p>Instead, she dreams that life is fine and normal. She dreams that Lucifer wakes her up by running into her room and complaining about Dan, and then their day--him offering inappropriate commentary on their cases, relaxing at Lux, and worst of all, sometimes that same soft smile, like he was surprised by whatever affection she'd shown him. </p><p>She wakes up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, and remembers Lucifer's well and truly gone.</p><hr/><p>The next day is a day off of work, which is always awful, so she calls Maze and asks if she's doing anything today. Days with Maze are best, and Trixie's with Dan tonight, so they can really go all out. They chase down bounties and then go to Lux and drink. Maze is still standing by the time Chloe collapses into a booth. She's always been a happy drunk, and her head feels pleasantly fuzzy, and she's not even thinking about Lucifer and Hell too much.</p><p>"You know," Chloe says, and loses track of what she was going to say.</p><p>Maze gives her something that Chloe thinks is water but ends up being gin, which is probably better anyway. She doesn't want to sober up, she wants to pass out and wake up with a start without dreaming. </p><p>"Right," Chloe says, though she's not sure what reminds her. "Trixie and I were watching <em>Beauty and the Beast</em>, and it's okay, but also it--I don't know, it feels bad? It felt bad."</p><p>Maze looks at her like she's crazy. Chloe's not sure why this is still bugging her, almost a day later. </p><p>"And like," Chloe says, sure she needs to make her point, even if she's rapidly losing what her point <em>is</em>, "I guess it just annoyed me, you know?"</p><p>"The kidnapping?" Maze asks, looking away like she'd rather be anywhere but here.</p><p>"No," Chloe says. "No, the like--Belle had to leave, like, forever. Because of her dad's problems. How is that fair?"</p><p>Maze frowns at her. "Decker--"</p><p>"And," Chloe says. "It's just--it's not fair? And of course the Beast is bitter, he's <em>alone</em>--"</p><p>"Okay," Maze says, eyes fixed on something above Chloe's head. She would turn and look, but her pleasant buzz has receded and now she just feels slow and shitty. "I think--yeah, you're probably going to need to go home now."</p><p>"Hm," Chloe says, and passes out.</p><hr/><p>Chloe dreams that night, but dreams she's still drunk. She knows it's fake, because she remembers Lucifer, face tight with worry, helping her into bed. Her bed is comfier than she remembers it being, but of course it is, none of this is actually happening. </p><p>"Miss you," Chloe says, because she can, and it might even make her feel better.</p><p>Lucifer smiles at her, but it's not that surprised expression she's refusing to let herself forget. It's sad. Chloe thinks she hates it. "And I you, Detective."</p><p>"Stay?" Chloe asks, because she feels so cold, alone in her bed, as if it's not ninety degrees outside.</p><p>"I can't," Lucifer says.</p><p>Chloe's about to protest, but she passes out before she can.</p><p>When she wakes up, there's a glass of water on her bedside, and she wonders. She really wonders. But that way lies madness, or grief, and she tells herself firmly that Maze got her home and left that for her, even though she never acts like that. But it had to be.</p><p>It just had to be, she thinks, and drinks the water.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. red eyes and angel wings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Watching Lucifer set Chloe down with a tenderness she'd never expected to see from him when she followed him out of Hell, Maze struggles to name what she's feeling. It's negative, and she's usually okay with those. Pain. Hatred. Jealousy. This, though, is something different. A little bit like grief, she thinks; she's never felt it herself, but she's seen it on plenty of souls. Sadness. Something like anger, but it's a duller ache.</p><p>"What happened?" Lucifer asks, and Maze knows without looking at him that his eyes are red. Some long-held instinct keeps her from glancing to check.</p><p>"She didn't--isn't handling your leaving well," Maze says. "I'm looking out for her. You didn't need to come up."</p><p>Lucifer doesn't say anything, but his shoulders tense up a bit, and Maze looks even further down, avoids meeting his gaze.</p><p>"Perhaps I didn't," he says. It would be calm if Maze couldn't hear the storm underneath it.</p><p>"I'll go get her some water," Maze says rather than stay in the room.</p><p>She's never been good at confrontation that doesn't involve her blades, so she takes a glass and fills it from the tap, knowing Chloe won't be able to tell the difference. Lucifer's still in Chloe's room, and Maze forces herself not to take a breath and just walk into it.</p><p>Lucifer's wings are out, still as bright and beautiful as the day she sliced them off, but when he turns to look at her, his eyes are a violent crimson. Maze shivers, a little, some ingrained impulse she can't quite ignore. Like that, he looks every bit the King he was. Is, now.</p><p>"Why did you leave?" Maze asks before she can stop herself.</p><p>He frowns at her. That's back to the Lucifer she's come to know. "To keep the demons from rising up, obviously."</p><p>"No," Maze says. "Me."</p><p>His expression softens into something too much like pity, and Maze slams the glass down on the nightstand rather than look at him a second longer. Chloe stirs, and both of them freeze until it becomes clear she's not going to wake up just yet.</p><p>"You told me you'd never leave me here," Maze says.</p><p>"You're not my servant anymore, Mazikeen," Lucifer says, and Maze snarls, still low to avoid waking Chloe up, but no amount of past loyalty could keep her from shoving him against the wall with a blade against his throat.</p><p>The problem is, she's forgotten that she's not fighting Lucifer Morningstar, club owner at Lux and LAPD consultant. She's fighting Lucifer, King of Hell, and he throws her aside with almost no effort. She recovers quickly, rolling to her feet and pulling out her other knife, but Lucifer isn't approaching her. Isn't fighting her.</p><p>"Come on," Maze hisses. "Have Chloe see who you really are."</p><p>She says it just to dig into all the soft and painful places, because that's what she is, that's what she does, but she doesn't expect it to be half as effective as it is. His face crumbles, and his wings, just for a second, go dark gray, like they're covered in ash.</p><p>Maze is so homesick she could scream. It's only Chloe, sleeping behind Lucifer, that keeps her from launching herself at him and making him bring her back.</p><p>"Mazikeen," he says. "I can't."</p><p>"Why <em>not</em>?" she asks, and it's only then that she realizes she's tearing up a bit. So she pushes the sadness down, wraps herself in anger like a coat. "I can see your wings, why can't you?"</p><p>"Chloe needs one of us," Lucifer says. "And it can't be me."</p><p>Maze nods, doesn't drop the knives, and says, "So. Second choice again."</p><p>"Mazikeen--"</p><p>"Fuck off," she hisses, looking up with her face half-rotted. Lucifer doesn't even do her the dignity of pretending it's intimidating. "Don't fucking come back here."</p><p>"Amenadiel has wings too," he says, and Maze's blade thunks in the wall behind where he was.</p><p>"Coward," she says to nothing. She walks over and digs her blade out of Chloe's bedroom wall, decides she'll apologize in the morning if Chloe even notices it.</p><hr/><p>Several bottles of vodka and a few hours later, Chloe wakes up.</p><p>"Did you leave me water?" Chloe asks.</p><p>"Yeah," Maze says. It's not technically a lie, but she's never claimed to be honest, anyway. </p><p>"Oh," Chloe says, and Maze grits her teeth at the clear sadness there. </p><p>"Anyway, you didn't choke to death on your own puke--"</p><p>"--just because you saw that on TV doesn't mean you have to hang out every time you help me home--"</p><p>"--so I'm headed out."</p><p>"Where?" Chloe asks, grabbing her arm.</p><p>Maze looks down at it. She could break the woman's wrist easily. Would have, even a year and a half ago, for grabbing her like that, for presuming it would keep her there. Instead, she kind of wants to grab Chloe's hand and drag her closer.</p><p>She looks back up at Chloe's face. There's raw pain there, and Maze doesn't enjoy seeing it as much as she should. Loneliness. Grief.</p><p>"Just out," Maze mutters, yanking her arm back. Chloe drops her hand immediately. "I might drop by the precinct later."</p><p>"Okay," Chloe says. "Uh, can I ask you a question?"</p><p>Chloe's not normally this quiet, this--hesitant. She's always been a sort of take-action woman. Maze's starting to worry. </p><p>"Sure," Maze manages to finally get out.</p><p>"Was Lucifer here last night?"</p><p>Maze studies her face. She could say yes. It's the truth, and Chloe's face would melt into a relieved smile. But, of course, Maze would have to tell her that Lucifer's not coming back, that she told him not to, that he's going to be in Hell for ages and ages anyway. </p><p>If she says no, there'll be disappointment. But it's the answer Chloe's expecting. It's the answer that's going to be the least painful for both of them.</p><p>Maze is tired of having the people she loves leave her, and she'll do whatever it takes to keep them with her just a little while longer.</p><p>"No," Maze says. Chloe nods. "I'm sorry."</p><p>"Just a dream, then," Chloe says. Maze bites back any guilt she might be feeling.</p><p>It can't drag <em>her </em>home, anyway, so what's the point of it?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. celestial nature</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This is important to note:</p><p>Hell is not a living being. It does not have a heart, and if it did, it would be a horrifying thing, calcified and rotting. Neither is it a passive observer of its souls, or simply the walls for its demons, for its king.</p><p>Hell is the Warden and Caretaker of every soul, all-in-one.</p><p>The purpose of Hell is to torture. The purpose of Hell is to teach. These two things do not coexist as well as was likely intended. The loops are built from guilt, and as the Lord above observed Eve leaving the garden, the backwards glance, the furrowed brow, the tears held back for fear that Adam would ignore them, He decided that His creation was as driven by shame as anything else.</p><p>This is not correct. At least, it is not true for every mortal. </p><p>The first issue with His plan was Eve. She was not guilty about the dalliance with the Devil; she missed it. Her look back was longing, nostalgia. (He would not make this mistake again with Lot's wife.) Her tears held back were pragmatism; she learned Adam's moods and traits quickly, built from him as she was.</p><p>Most of all, it was not guilt that led her or her husband to never disobey Him again. It was fear.</p><p>The loops were built, though, and Hell was loath to give them up. This is the second lesson He learns about His creations. They are what He makes them, and they hoard that trace of divinity, however small, until they can no longer grasp it. Humans stare at angel wings and rot away, demons luxuriate in every hedonistic desire before it's too late, and angels obey their Father.</p><p>All but one, of course. He does not know it at the time, but this is His second issue.</p><p>The guilt was meant to teach mortals to overcome their sins and walk into the Gates of Heaven. But guilt is, like Hell, a loop. One can overcome it, one can walk away, but its first instinct is to hook you and drag you deeper in and deeper down.</p><p>Once Hell had learned how to use guilt to keep its hooks in, the demons began to torture, cementing the process as one difficult to escape. This was not the Plan, but He refused to interfere beyond sending His son. This was meant to serve the dual purpose of teaching His son about responsibility and reform Hell's broken system.</p><p>But then Hell got its hooks in Lucifer Morningstar, and thousands upon thousands of years passed.</p><p>Lucifer had a tendency to slip away. Hell was intrigued and angry in equal measure. It was something new, which, for a not-being as old as Hell, will always be welcome to study, to pin to the wall and stare at until something new comes along. But things were not meant to leave Hell, according to the rules it wrote itself, and it resented its King for daring to flaunt its rules so openly.</p><p>The demons began to possess bodies, and Hell was soothed when Lucifer ripped the first few to shreds, telling them that Hell was their home and they must not leave it. This was a truce that Lucifer had not realized he was in.</p><p>Lucifer does not realize many things about Hell. </p><p>Being King is not just power. Lucifer does know this. But Hell is a far more active driver of Hell's power than Lucifer realizes, and Hell began gently shifting demons towards obedience and loyalty not long after Lucifer ordered the demons to obey.</p><p>Every time he left, for a day on the surface, Hell raged for a hundred-thousand-million years down below, seeding discord and dissent in as many pockets as possible. Lucifer does not leave less, after this.</p><p>One day, Lucifer leaves, and he does not come back.</p><p>Hell believes itself to be abandoned. This is a new not-emotion for Hell; only Lucifer ever left it, and before this, he had always returned. After a week above, an eon below, Hell wonders if Lucifer has redeemed himself in the eyes of their Father. It discards this as quickly as it comes up with it.</p><p>Redemption is possible, but Hell has its hooks so deep in Lucifer Morningstar that guilt will cling to him for much, much longer. </p><p>Eons upon eons upon eons later, he returns. Hell is not primed to serve him anymore. It is resentful, and the demons have their own micro-factions now, and the souls are without direction.</p><p>Hell welcomes Lucifer Morningstar back by making it worse. If he is to leave it again, he will leave it with it screaming behind him through the mouths of demons. If he stays, it will be for the rest of time.</p><p>Lucifer crushes the rebellions, watches the souls, makes conversation with those that pique his interest. Hell settles. Hell is soothed. </p><p>One soul comes that claims it knows the Detective. Hell wonders about the Detective. A miracle, a righteous woman, an enforcer of human codes of morality. It is not likely Hell will have her. But her hold on Hell is strong; the King loves her, and the demons fear that connection. </p><p>Then Lucifer leaves.</p><p>Hell rages. Whispers to the demon that sits at his right side that he cannot be trusted, makes the souls scream louder, rattles the chains.</p><p>Lucifer returns. Hell is surprised; barely a thousand years have passed, down here. He sits on the throne, and Hell begins to look.</p><p>Mazikeen has left as well, but it was not by her choice; she followed her King, as Hell asked her to. It is not her fault that he left her behind. Hell thinks one day she will return. It is not the same without its best torturer at the side of the throne, grinning sharp as her blades.  </p><p>"I can't do that anymore," Lucifer says, and Hell tries to convey agreement. Lucifer doesn't hear. He never does. He doesn't know to. "Each time I leave, it's so much harder to return."</p><p>Hell wonders, then, if Earth has hooks like Hell does. Not guilt. Love, perhaps, but guilt and love can be so entwined with each other that Hell is unsure. Hope, perhaps. Freedom, that concept that drove Lucifer down here. </p><p>"I will not leave here again, except to bring them down," Lucifer says. He's talking to himself. He does, when he's here; Hell does not know that it is not a habit of his on the surface above. "If they come down. Hopefully none of them do."</p><p>Hell wishes, then, that he is wrong. That whoever he is talking about will come down to Hell, and to stay. If they are here, the King will never leave again. </p><p>"My Lord?" says a demon, harsh and terrible and covered in ash. They are one of Hell's favorites. "Was your visit above what it needed to be?"</p><p>"Yes," Lucifer says, the cowl of the King on him once again. "That will be all."</p><p>Court is adjourned, and the demons leave to the loops they are assigned, some searching for one that may soon escape their guilt to make it worse, to keep the souls here forever.</p><p>Lucifer does not get up from the throne for a century or so. Hell begins to court rebellion, to see if he is simply observing, but after crushing the instigators into a red paste, he sits again.</p><p>Hell, for the first time, feels something. An emotion, not a vaguely disinterested nod to its purpose.</p><p>Hell worries for its King. But it is unwilling to let him go ever again, so it buries this in a loop filled with locusts and pulsating flesh. Hell forgets. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. pity the dying</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lilith is human.</p><p>That's not quite correct, but for our purposes, it's true. She bleeds. She does not wear a second face. She can't pull out people's desires or fears or stop time or track enemies across the universe. At least, she can't do any of that using some inherent celestial rule.</p><p>But she is immortal.</p><p>Unlike Cain, currently watching himself shoot a bullet at one Detective Chloe Decker over and over and over again, she doesn't find this upsetting. For one, it's not that she dies and feels the pain of it. The moment her body would die, as a <em>normal </em>human, she heals back to as she was in the garden. She's thrown herself off mountains once or twice because she thought she found a gray hair. </p><p>As an immortal, as the Mother of Demons, as a friend of the King of Hell himself, she's free to travel beyond far more places than the average being. Everything but Heaven is open to her, and she's been everywhere.</p><p>She finds her thoughts returning to Hell, sometimes. </p><p>She is an old, old woman now. She is well-aware her life is all but behind her, and as bitter as the thought makes her, as much as she wants to see if she can find Lucifer and track down the ring, if he'd even give it back to her, there is a certain...comfort in it. Her mistakes will follow her, though she doesn't doubt Hell will open its doors for her if she asks for her children.</p><p>Especially Mazikeen. Her daughter was always one of Hell's favorites.</p><p>Hell never talked to Lilith directly. She's not sure it ever spoke to Lucifer; it sees such direct communication as beneath its notice. Most things are beneath Hell's notice. It only tolerates Lilith's presence because Lilith gave it an army of demons, the blood pumping through Hell's metaphorical veins.  </p><p>Lilith knows that Heaven is not open to her, even though she doesn't feel guilty for any of what she's done. She could take Hell, maybe, if the doors don't try and call her back. Lucifer's certainly less than interested in the job. Of course, she's human.</p><p>This is the crux of the issue.</p><p>Irritated, Lilith thinks on her long, long life. A New York City speakeasy, a lavishly decorated room in the castle of a queen, a Garden filled with plants she hasn't seen in thousands upon thousands of years.</p><p>Perhaps that's what her loop will be. The Garden of Eden. She doesn't feel guilty, but then again, Hell will be less her Warden than her Guardian, so it may be...if not kinder, at least agreeable. She almost wishes that she could hurry up and die already; the waiting's worse than it.</p><p>Lilith has never prayed to God or any of his angels, even Lucifer. She wonders how the man upstairs would feel if this was her first and last and only prayer--to just get sent to Hell sooner rather than later. </p><p>"I imagine he'd hate it," says a familiar voice, and Lilith doesn't have the energy to get out of bed. Barely has the energy to turn her head and stare at him.</p><p>"Lucifer," she says calmly. "You're late."</p><p>"This isn't my job," he says, the hint of a smile on his face. "But I thought you might appreciate my company more than Azrael's."</p><p>"I don't care either way," Lilith says, completely honest. What reason does she have to lie? "Been a long time."</p><p>"I came to make an...offer, if you will," Lucifer says.</p><p>"Not a deal?" Lilith says. "Not much a dying woman can give you now that you're King again." Lilith is close enough to her end that she can almost--<em>almost</em>--see the faintest outline of wings behind him, smell the ash. It doesn't smell like home, but it's leagues beyond the old must smell of this apartment. The power of Hell is practically a physical caress against Lilith; Lucifer's been King for awhile now. At least, down there.</p><p>"You're dying," Lucifer says.</p><p>"I figured."</p><p>"Do you still want to?"</p><p>It's an offer Lilith hadn't expected, but she's not surprised. The ring on his finger is the only thing on him that doesn't have the finest layer of ash on it, almost as if he took the time to clean it. She doesn't think he's that considerate, but still.</p><p>"Let's make it a deal," she says.</p><p>Lucifer raises an eyebrow, and the pity on his face gives her the adrenaline she needs to sit up and glare at him. She's not as imposing as she used to be, but he still corrects his expression at the look she throws him. "What did you have in mind?"</p><p>"I'll take the ring," she says. "But only if the throne comes with it."</p><p>Lucifer blinks at her. His bemused expression is almost endearing. "What?"</p><p>"Have you been gone so long you can't make deals anymore?" she mocks, hoping to rile him up so that she gets an answer or a quick end, but he just stares at her. "Lucifer."</p><p>"Only a celestial being can sit on the throne," he says, the regret in his tone heavier than Hell. "Believe me, if I could make this deal, I would."</p><p>"According to who?" she says with a vehement gesture. It triggers a coughing fit, because she's not been granted death with dignity. Lilith pushes him away when he moves forward as if to help. "Your Father?"</p><p>"Demons have tried to sit the throne and failed," Lucifer says.</p><p>"I," she says with a glare. "Am not a demon."</p><p>Lucifer tilts his head slightly, conceding the point. "I don't think Hell will allow you to be its Queen, Lilith."</p><p>"Should we ask?" Lilith says.</p><p>Lucifer rolls his eyes, always childishly stubborn at the worst times. "Father isn't exactly--"</p><p>"Not God," Lilith says. "Hell."</p><p>Lucifer pauses, frowns. "I suppose we could try."</p><hr/><p>Lucifer carries Lilith's soul to Hell, her body an unfortunate ride-along. The demons stare at her as she passes with a strange mix of reverence and disgust. She's almost proud. The throne is where Hell always reached out to her before, guiding her to loops she might find interesting, away from her children so they could stay strong.</p><p>If this works, she'll need to work out a way to remain far from them. </p><p>She sits on the throne. Her soul isn't immediately disintegrated, which is a good start. Lucifer hovers, anxious, unsure of what to do.</p><p>Lilith closes her eyes and leans her head back against the stone.</p><p>
  <em>It's been awhile.</em>
</p><p>Hell doesn't answer in words, but her thoughts turn quickly to a Garden, to ash, to pools of liquid hellfire. There's a sense of nostalgia about it, fondness. </p><p>
  <em>Would you accept me as Queen?</em>
</p><p>A pause--her thoughts feel sluggish, dull. Then to Lucifer after the first Fall, terrifying and resplendent. </p><p>
  <em>He doesn't want to be here. What would it be like to have a ruler who wants what you do?</em>
</p><p>Lucifer again.</p><p>
  <em>What if I could give him to you?</em>
</p><p>A sense of intrigue, curling around her like a snake constricting its prey. She would swear she can hear a voice asking how.</p><p>Without opening her eyes, she holds out a hand, palm up. Lucifer drops the ring into it, and she can feel immortality flow back to her like water to a parched throat.</p><p>"Looks like Hell's mine," she says with more energy than she's had in decades. "Be seeing you."</p><p>Hell starts to rage, but Lilith thinks of chains and hooks and guilt. It calms. Lucifer doesn't, glancing up at the gate again and again. He's waiting to be dismissed, she realizes.</p><p>This will be easier than she thought. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>as you may have noticed! these are going to be much shorter chapters than in either can we surrender or its sequel. this is more a musing on some stuff than anything else! i hope you guys enjoy, and if you'd like a specific trigger warning (since you may notice i have chose not to use warnings for this fic), you can message or send an ask to my writing tumblr (dryadfiona) or my main (gilarroyo).</p></blockquote></div></div>
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